do NOT read this unless you are listening to the song "strawberry swing" by Coldplay

on rainy days such as this i tend to be taken by my mind. i think about what is going on in my life and what im dealing with. somehow i always come to the same conclusion...

                                      life recently has been full of decisions. not only by me but by everyone around me. today i cannot help but to pray for relief. just a simple calm in this stupid storm. i feel like i am on the verge of becoming indifferent to what is going on around me. (thats not to say i will quit) perseverance is a lesson to be learned daily.

     as i sit waiting for fruition i cant help but to wonder who i will become. i know who i want to be but i don't know how to get there...                                                                  

Lord, this bitter earth

Yes, can be so cold 
Today you're young 
Too soon, you're old 
But while a voice within me cries 
I'm sure someone may answer my call 
And this bitter earth 
Ooooo may not 
Oh be so bitter after all

lyrics to "this bitter earth" 

by Dinah Washington

why is it that im always waiting for the moment in my life where the music comes in? my running soundtrack is on repeat for too long. why is it acceptable to go through the days like we are putting one foot in front of the other.                        (same stuff different day) it is a miraculous happening that i am even here to exist in this day, and i have the guts to complain about it?  who am i kidding but myself. 

        the first bible that was given to me had a verse written under the front cover. that verse today means more than it ever has. while im sitting inside waiting as rain falls and Coldplay serenades my ears ... it hits me. 

on any other day, at any other time before now i would have been contemplating my life and what i need to do to get where im going. and like every day before i would have the same conclusion. that i will make it past whatever stands in front of me. i just have to take the next step. 

     but today is different. today that verse in the front of my bible hit me like a ton of bricks.     Jeremiah 29:11 "for i know the plans i have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future..."

     im not just putting one foot in front of the other trying to overcome whatever i am facing. im already doing it. IM IN THE WORK NOW! my problems are slowly and surely falling behind me and its not because of me chipping at the stone. its the simple fact that i am following a path already laid out. God has already cut my path.  

i have this funny mental picture in my head of me hiking in the woods intently hunched over  staring at the path making sure it is safe to put my foot down. moving just enough to not be still. all the while there is a clear path to my destination already set out.   its like a treadmill. who stares at the treads? we all know its clear so we just go. we may not feel like we are getting anywhere but we can rest assured that the trail is clear. 

today i realized that im hiking in the rain scrutinizing the muddy trail making sure its OK to step. all the while i should be enjoying the world around me, smelling the fresh rain and feeling its cool relief. 

       never again do i want to put God in my cage of a brain.      i have no right to take for granted the day given. and for that i am sorry. God is sufficient.