"and it is true what you said, i live like a hermit in my own head. but when the sun shines again, i will open the curtains and blinds to let the light in..."

to be frank, i have no idea why i am doing this. obviously it gives me a place to solidify my thoughts, maybe somewhere inside me I'm hoping to get some kind of affirmation from a perfect stranger that my world is larger than what fits into my head. i just don't know. my english is poor, and my grammar is an abomination. admittedly there is something relieving to know that i am not bound by rules or templates. i get to talk. this is me, all me, be it good or bad i have yet to decide. maybe that's your job. (who ever you are) just keep me posted... here goes nothing

i am a wanderer, meaning that i simply go wherever I'm allowed. i don't have a permanent residence and I'm OK with that. (home is where the heart is right?) currently I'm in Boston. 3000 miles from where i was born. the good thing is that it fits me, not the left wing liberal thing but the lifestyle. people keep to themselves even if they are surrounded by hundreds. here i can simply continue my existence without impact. sitting on the "T" (subway) I'm not obligated to even acknowledge people. they get on and off and we never see each other again. but therein lies the problem. as human beings each one of us struggle to make an impact in the world.

"when my time comes, help me leave something behind to be missed" - Chester Bennington
 
how big is our impact if we only get the people we spend time with? does it really matter? how much does it really matter if you have 1 or 100 people at your funeral? sorry Chester but i think you have missed the point. yea he may be a popular singer and make the big bucks but that doesn't matter once life is over. how vain can we become? that we would want as many people to suffer from our death as possible? life is short.

The hardest battle i had with myself was over my own worth. i couldn't see living life without purpose. that was the first stepping stone on my walk with Christ. I figured that living for Christ was better than living for myself.
      it is.