this is a relic of a life gone by,

The Beautiful Letdown

Have you ever fallen upon part of your history and realize you let yourself down? if you couldn't gather from the last entry date on here, that is exactly what happened to me today. it has been 2 years since i have even though of this and this time im committed (not like that new years gym resolution half of you will make) 

So here is my metaphorical break in my elongated chain of whatever that self disappointing moment triggered in my brain. i hope you are as faithful with this as i am. (as if i will ever know who YOU are)

Recently i have been spending a lot of time thinking about my friend Alice. we started college together and she was a beautiful person, inside and out. she had a gift and to this day myself and many others spend time out of our "busy lives" to listen to her play and sing as she did for us in life.

if you want the song i listened to while writing this start the video at 2:34

Alice passed tragically in a car accident and her death was and remains my first encounter with death at a youthful age, it also stands as a reminder and testament to her legacy she has left behind. Her story and passion for what she believed was always more genuine than anything i had ever known. It is important to communicate this to you because recently i have been defining my standing and impact in the world around me. not so much a struggle with self worth, more of a purpose full impact during my daily routine.

this is my "ant" concept. if i do deliberate small things, then over time i will have built a mountain out of sand

my method is simple, do more little things for anyone, be it a stranger or my wife. in doing so im hoping to hone my ideology that "I" am not the most important person in my day. its really the people i pass in the store, or the child i see waving in the back of a car.  “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities." Luke 16:10

 i couldn't begin to tell you the times i notice a small smile across a cashiers face when i thank them by name. or the couple i waited an extra 10 seconds for so i could hold the door for the. but i can tell you that the reward is as much for them as it is for me.

                

 God has given me people, and i intend to be faithful with what he has given me. more often than i would like to admit i have a heavy sense of apathy toward people. i find myself concerned with them only if im affected by them in some way. Alice was always the first out and first in any doorway, not because she had an "im winning charlie sheen" complex. but because she wanted to be there to hold the door, or give a quirky smile as you passed. She left many emotions and feelings behind, but for me she left something more. you know in twilight when jacob imprinted on the baby and he does anything in his power to protect and ensure the child's safety and comfort? well that's like alice and me. (dont take my man card yet guys) she has imprinted on me the idea that im taken care of, i do not want for food or struggle to breathe. the least i can do is put humanity before myself. I want to stand and say that as a man, i love myself a lot. but ... i love people more.  just as Jesus loves me.